Working On Me

Earlier in the week, I posted on the thinking errors we all tend to make in a crisis. Today, I'll look at a technique that can help overcome those errors.

When you are faced with a stressful situation, you probably start making thinking errors straight away. Try to identify which ones you are making; if necessary, write them down. It is only when you have recognised the errors that you make that you will be able to make changes and try to avoid them in the future.

Many thinking errors are related to all or nothing, black or white thinking. It is important when facing a challenging situation to gain a sense of proportion. Try to look at the broader picture, and practice grey thinking. That is to say, realise that the truth probably lies somewhere between the two extremes, and appraise it honestly.

When you feel that you are totally responsible for a situation, step back and look at all the other aspects and people involved. Clarify whether you really are 100% to blame. Even if you are, does it mean you will be next time? Your efforts are better spent in meeting the challenge rather than berating yourself for what has already happened.

Do not label yourself or others. Remember, it is the action that may be silly, inappropriate, mistaken or ill-advised, not the person who is silly, stupid or an idiot. This goes for you too!

When faced with a crisis, if you feel your bad thinking habits taking over, ask yourself some questions:

• Will this be important in a week, two months, six months, 2 years?
• Am I spending too much time thinking about how things should be or might have been instead of dealing with things as they stand now?
• Is this the worst that could happen? Is it, for example, as bad a problem as bereavement, or a serious health worry?
• Is it really necessary for me to feel this way?
• Is it really that bad?
• Am I blowing this out of proportion?
• Am I expecting too much of myself and others?

Asking these questions is a trigger for grey thinking, allowing you to regain a sense of proportion and properly appraise the situation. Freeing yourself from thinking errors will allow you to focus on getting things done in an efficient and healthy way. Practising grey thinking is crucial, and will require persistence. But the more you practice, the better you’ll get and the more reward you will derive.