Meaningless business-speak in letters
While reviewing some standard letters with a company last week, I found some interesting redundancies:
- I write to advise you that I have now received details of your missing payment.
- Please do not hesitate to contact me with any queries.
- Please be advised that if you do not respond within 14 days your plan will lapse.
- I would be most grateful if you would please complete and return the enclosed form.
I got out the editing pen and made some deletions. I don't think the meaning is changed at all. See what you think:
I write to advise you thatI have now received details of your missing payment.- Please
do not hesitate tocontact me with any queries. Please be advised thatif you do not respond within 14 days your plan will lapse.I would be most grateful if you wouldplease complete and return the enclosed form.
Ray Blake
3 Comments
Reader Comments (3)
I agree that the words excised are, strictly speaking, redundant. However, at least some of the redundancy may disappear when context is added. "Please do not hesitate" may indeed encourage more contact by a certain audience, for example.
Thanks for the feedback, Fergus. When I spoke to the people who sent these letters, they said they used the 'do not hesitate' wording because they always had.
I asked what they said to people they were talking to on the phone, and none of them used the 'do not hesitate' wording. They mostly said something like, 'Call again if you need any more help.' I'm a firm believer where letters are concerned that if you wouldn't say it out loud, don't write it down.
Very good, Ray! Agreed. Most of the time. However, I think we should consider the case of writing direct response sales copy.
I would never ever command someone to do something 3-4 times in a row. But the same formula in copywriting is effective to the point of essential.
I may even throw in a do not hesitate in the midsts of much stronger copy, to make it feel more polite and laid back amidst the punchy, "Do it now!" language.
It seems to work.