Working On Me

The late Miles Kington said: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put one in a fruit salad.

Let me put it another way. Winning Mastermind is easy: all you need is a good memory for facts. Winning in life is rather harder.

The route from knowledge to wisdom passes through three stages:

Wisdom is where you end up - sometimes.

Do you have a 'filing pile'? Is there a piece of kitchen worksurface where you put the dishes when you've taken them out of the dishwasher before you then go an deposit them in a cupboard (or just leave some or all of them where they are for a while)?

Inspired in part by David Allen's Getting Things Done principles, I've been trying a new discipline. Once I've picked something up, I determine to put it down only in the right place. That means instead of putting a paper on the filing pile, I file it immediately. Rather than just dumping the clean washing basket on our bed, I empty it, put the clothes away and return the basket to its home. These are all actions I'll have to take eventually, and procrastinating by putting things down in the wrong place - doing half a job, if you like - actually costs me more time in the long run.

You've read about or thought about a new technique, a new approach or a complete change of outlook. You've given this a lot of thought, and have committed to change. This is the first day of the rest of your life. You start the day full of hope and energy, but end it tired and disappointed.

Does that sound familiar? The bigger the change you've committed to, the more likely it is to happen. Why? Because the only movement has been inside your head. You've made a commitment, but the world doesn't know that, not yet at least. Depending on what the change is, it could be days or weeks before you see any tangible results, but because you've made the internal step, you're looking at the world through different eyes, impatient for results.

You can avoid some of this pain by realistically evaluating what is likely to happen before you embark on the change. Consider that the world knows nothing of your change, and try to imagine when you might see some results and what they might look like. Make a note of your conclusions, and refer to it in the early days of change, when the world hasn't caught up with you yet. By dong so, you are more likely to maintain the motivation to see it through rather than crumble when the battle is almost won.

Take a look at the graph. This a representation of Virginia Satir’s model of change. It describes what happens when individuals, families or other groups face some sort of change.

I’ll outline what it means and how you can use knowledge of it to make sure your reaction to changes large or small always maximises opportunity.

Let’s first examine each of the stages on the curve.

1. Late Status Quo. This is how life is before the change. It is what we have become used to and we will probably derive a certain amount of comfort from its familiarity.

Foreign Element. Something happens which causes a change in how we go about things. This might be a new work objective or boss, or perhaps the loss of a friend or family member. It could be a big change or a small change, but it will have an impact.

2. Resistance. Also known commonly as ‘denial’, this stage is where we seek to go on as we always have and ignore the Foreign Element. We hope that in doing what we always have, we’ll get the same result we always have. Although we have to change in response to the Foreign Element, there is inertia and comfort in the late status quo and we’ll resist abandoning it for a time.

3. Chaos. Things get worse before they get better. We have to break it before we can rebuild. The clichés are true. When we realise that the old methods no longer produce the results they used to and that our resistance is futile, we’ll tend to sink into a period where things are rather chaotic as we cast around for new certainties to latch on to.

Transforming idea. Eventually, we’ll identify how we have to act in the new circumstances. We’ll start to find that new behaviours and beliefs are having a positive effect, which will motivate us to repeat them.

4. Integration. Gradually, we’ll get better at applying new methods and coming to terms with the new reality. As we become more and more confident, we surpass our pre-change performance levels.

5. New status quo. We finally reach a plateau when the new reality has become ‘business as usual’.

So what? How can you use what you know about the curve to get better results when things change?

1. Be ready for foreign elements and limit your Resistance response.
2. Expect Chaos. Welcome it as a natural stepping stone on the way to improvement and do not treat it as a reason to dig in and strengthen your resistance.
3. Throughout Chaos and Integration, notice how the ups and downs of the line are quite extreme. This represents trial and error; some new behaviours and beliefs will work, some won’t. Try to get good quality feedback here. If you do, you’ll shorten the Chaos Period and make the climb in Integration steeper, reaching the New Status Quo sooner.
4. In Chaos, make sure you’re actively seeking out the Transforming Idea, rather than waiting for it to find you.
5. Don’t settle too quickly for a New Status Quo. Critically examine whether you are at the top of the mountain or just a comfortable ledge on the way there.