Working On Me

A few months ago, I joined Toastmasters International, probably the best known speaking club in the world. At any given time, many thousands of people all over the world are working through Toastmasters programmes and discovering public speaking skills.

I joined not because I cannot speak in public (as a freelance trainer, this is a skill I developed a long time ago) but because I felt I had stopped improving. Since joining the organisation, I've made several speeches and presentations, and received direct, constructive feedback which has helped me polish my skills. I've seen many other speakers, some speaking for the first time, some old hands, and heard the feedback thay have received, too.

All in all, I've developed my speaking skills more in the last 6 months than in the preceding ten years. I'd recommend Toastmasters to anyone, whatever their level of speaking experience.

I've written before about talking straight to someone's unconscious mind and about using the unconsious in getting past 'I don't know'.

Another useful ability is to plant a seed in someone's unconscious to make people react in a certain way to a certain future event. For instance, if I want to make sure my spouse enjoys a holiday, and will be able to put out of her mind day-to-day concerns and enjoy herself, I can say to her something like this:

“When that plane takes off, you’ll feel so relaxed, and you’ll be looking forward to a great week away.”

This will slip quickly from her conscious mind, although if she spends a while visualising that outcome, so much the better. Her unconscious, however, will consider this as an instruction for the future, and will work to bring about the circumstances described in reaction to the plane taking off. This will work in all sorts of ways, so long as you follow the basic formula of:

“When [event], you will feel [description]”

As we have seen before, the trick that pushes this into the unconconscious is to make the statement, then immediately ask a question.

One of the toughest aspects of being managed is to work out what your boss wants to know about what you’re doing. Unfortunately, one of the toughest things about being a manager is working out what you want to know!

Whenever I have to report to someone who hasn’t yet worked out what they want to know, I tend to offer a weekly report under four headings:

1. Wins – what have I accomplished this week?
2. Issues – what have I run into that represents potential trouble?
3. Actions – what actions have I taken this week that have yet to yield results? These actions may relate to this week’s wins and issues, or to anticipated future wins and issues.
4. Plans – what am I planning to do next week and beyond?

These reports almost write themselves as the week progresses and stuff happens. I have never had a boss who didn’t appreciate them, and they’re particularly useful when you are being managed remotely.

The unconscious mind is responsible for the vast majority of our daily actions. It is an uncomfortable thought that many of the big things we do every day (and believe we exercise conscious choice over) are dictated by our unconscious. For example, have you ever started to like somebody you have just met and wondered why? Have you ever, when driving a familiar route, found yourself suddenly at a certain point and had no recollection of the last ten miles?

The unconscious plays so much of a part in our decisions and actions, that the ability to talk directly to another person’s unconscious mind is an extremely valuable one. Let’s be straight, though; we are not talking about hypnotism, nor getting people to do things which are not in their natures.

One way you can talk to a person’s unconscious mind is to make a statement worded so that the person’s unconscious will accept it as an instruction, although consciously he or she will simply disregard it. An example would probably help here. Let’s say that you want the person in front of you to accept that buying a hybrid car (rather than an SUV) is a good idea. You could say:

“You should buy a hybrid car, not an SUV.”

This statement stays in the conscious mind, where your friend is free to consider your point of view, and reject or accept it. But by tomorrow, he’ll have forgotten that you ever said it as more pressing concerns occupy his conscious mind and force the thought of cars right out of it.

Phrase your statement slightly differently, and you’ll start a reaction in the unconscious which will ensure that your idea gets serious consideration and is not simply dismissed out of hand and forgotten. Try saying this instead:

“People are increasingly deciding to choose a hybrid car rather than an SUV.”

So far, there’s not much difference, except that here we are associating this belief with an implied large number of (albeit nameless) people. Conformity is very important to pack animals like humans, and this will create a resonance in the unconscious. The unconscious will want to pass this straight up into the conscious for consideration. If that happens, we face the same problem, because the conscious can discard the comment. So what we have to do is immediately give the conscious something else to occupy it, so that the unconscious has to keep our implanted thought.

Therefore, immediately after the statement, we ask an open question which demands conscious thought, and something longer than a yes, no or single word answer. To continue our example, we could ask:

“What sorts of things do you look for in a new car?”

The question should be related to the statement which preceded it, but should not simply rephrase it as a question. Remember that our aim is to keep the conscious busy thinking about something else so that the unconscious cannot get rid of the statement immediately into the conscious.

The full words are therefore:

“People are increasingly deciding to choose a hybrid car rather than an SUV. What sort of things do you look for in a new car?”

If you say this, then your statement will mature in the unconscious, which will give proper thought and consideration to your point, and you are most likely to have influenced the person’s thinking. Within about 10 minutes or so, you might well find that the person has been converted to your cause. Bear in mind, though, that this will not make people act against their basic values. This is neither hypnotism nor brainwashing.

How often are you frustrated when you're trying to make progress with someone, and you get to "I don't know"?

Often, we ask questions which require thought of another person, often more thought than they can be bothered to commit. This is typified by questions like these:

(To a child) “When do you plan to tidy your room?”

(From a life insurance salesman) “What would happen if you were to retire on a fraction of you current income?”

(To a working spouse) “How are you going to devote more time to the children?”

(To a partner) “What are we going to do about a holiday next year?”

More often than not, the easy answer will come back: “I don’t know.” When that happens, come back quickly by asking:

“But if you did know, what do you think you would say?”

You have to say this quickly, so that the other person responds quickly, before they realise what is happening and engage their conscious mind. You would be surprised how often people will actually give you a meaningful answer. That answer comes straight from their unconscious, and will probably surprise them.